I'm a fan of every part of you
by wickedwritergirl
Summary: Set some time after 4x04. 'Is this about the stupid scratch' I ask him since it seems that he's not going to talk voluntarily. 'It's not a stupid scratch, Swan. I hurt you.' He says in a serious tone and finally opens his eyes to look at me. Killian shares some of his insecurities with Emma, like why Gold really gave him his hand back.


**A/N: Hey guys! So, this is my first fic for Once Upon A Time and I'm not sure it turned out the way I wanted it to, but here it is! This takes place some time after 'The Apprentice' (4x04) and it's really just all kinds of Captain Swan feels. I'd love to hear what you think! But remember, this is my first time writing these characters and I'm nervous as s*it about it.**

 **Happy reading! -S**

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'This is ridiculous. That Stork fellow would never actually make it as a pirate!' I hear Hook's frustrated exclamation from the living room. I'd decided to show him what movies are after his billion questions on the subject and I'm just now starting to rethink the idea.

'Sparrow, Hook. His name is Jack Sparrow.' I answer him from the kitchen, grabbing the pop corn from the microwave. Another thing a certain 300-year-old pirate had several questions about. As I make my way to the living room, I see him frown.

'Whatever his name is, he's making a bloody fool of himself. You consider this as entertainment? Is this what people here think all pirates are like?' Comes his answer.

I can't help but let out a quiet laugh. Who would've thought I'd have to explain things like television to Captain Hook one day. Sometimes the reality of my life hits me. I smile at the look on his face as he continues to watch the movie. He looks adorable when he's really focused on something. Ever since our first date ('I still count the snow monster hunts and such as dates, Swan, we've been 'dating', as people here put, it for much longer than since that dinner.') we've been spending much more time together. I realized that as hard as it was to keep him away, I didn't want to anymore either. And that's how I ended up with a stubborn fairytale pirate for a boyfriend. Not that I would ever call him that to his face.

I place the pop corn on his lap, which he immediately grabs a handful of and starts eating. I sit next to him and am about to answer his question, until I feel something sharp scratching my arm which I'd placed on the couch before sitting myself down. I look at my right forearm. There's a scratch that seems to be bleeding a little. Oh, I didn't notice his hook that's resting on the couch next to his leg. Oops.

'I mean, you cannot captain a ship if you're not even smart enough to-' Hook turns to look into my direction in the middle of his sentence, and stops when he sees that I'm not watching the movie. 'Are you alright, love?' furrows his brow.

'Yeah, fine, I just-'

His gaze falls from my face to my arm that I have raised for examination.

'Your arm's bleeding, love. What happened?' He asks, confused and actually kind of worried.

'Well, I wasn't looking as I sat down, so... But I'm fine, I'm just gonna grab a bandaid.' I explain, getting ready to get up and go to the bathroom as I see realization dawn on him. He lowers his eyes onto his hook, still laying on the couch next to his leg.

'You mean... I did that? To you?' He asks, his voice suddenly so quiet. I raise my eyebrows, surprised that he's taking this so seriously.

'No? I just didn't notice the hook and scratched myself. It's fine. It's just a scratch. I'll go get a bandaid and we can continue the movie, okay?' I explain, and give him a smile and pat his shoulder before finally getting up and going to the bathroom where the medicine cabinet is. I pull out the smallest bandaid I can find, the scratch really isn't that impressive, and put it on. I close the cabinet and move back to the living room. Only Hook's not sitting down anymore. He's walking towards the door, holding his hooked hand in his right one. He doesn't take his eyes off of the hook, even as I walk into the room.

'Hey, what are you doing? Don't you want to see how the idiot Sparrow manages to save the day?' I say teasingly but Hook doesn't laugh. He does look at me though, but his expression is... Sad.

'Hook?' I ask, now worried.

'I, uh, I should go, Swan.' He mumbles and reaches for the door but I stop him by placing my hand onto his on the doorknob, which he immediately pulls away.

'What? Why? Hook, talk to me.' I demand, looking him straight in the eye, though he avoids looking at me like he's life depends on it.

'I need to go, lass, would you kindly let me?' He answers, his voice now stronger and slightly angry?

'No. You're not going anywhere until you talk to me, Killian.' I tell him, not taking no for an answer.

He sighs deeply, turns his face toward the ceiling and closes his eyes, without saying anything. I place my hands on my hips and furrow my brow.

'Is this about the stupid scratch?' I ask him since it seems that he's not going to talk voluntarily.

'It's not a stupid scratch, Swan. I hurt you.' He says in a serious tone and finally opens his eyes to look at me.

'Are you serious right now? It's a scratch. And you didn't hurt me, I scratched myself?' I explain to him, getting a little frustrated. Why is he making this into such a big deal?

'Yes, I'm serious! You hurt yourself on my hook. My stupid hook... I might as well have hurt you myself. It makes no difference.' He mumbles the last part of the sentence as he lowers his gaze on the floor.

'Of course it makes a difference? You wouldn't hurt me on purpose, Killian, come on.'

'What does it matter if I hurt you accidentally or not! I still hurt you. And I can't stand that. I really do need to leave, Swan. I should've known this would happen. I should've known...' He whispers and tries to make it out the door again but as he gets it open, I slam it back close again.

'No! We're not done talking!'

'Yes, we are! This is exactly why I wanted to get rid of the damned hook! It's nothing but a reminder of the man I used to be. This is why I asked for my hand back in the first place, but of course it didn't work out, did it?' He yells out in frustration. It takes me a moment to register what he said.

'Wait, what? You said Gold gave you your hand back because...' I stop myself. Of course Mr. Gold wouldn't give back anything he'd taken from his oldest nemesis.

'So, you asked for Gold to give you your hand back? And he did? Why?'

'Because I blackmailed him.' He sighs, knowing he has to explain himself. I'm pretty sure my jaw drops to the floor.

'You... You blackmailed Rumpelstiltskin!? Are you insane!?' I raise my voice.

'Yes, well, I didn't get to keep the bloody hand, did I?' He snaps. I sigh. I can't believe that after centuries of dealing with Rumpelstiltskin, he would do something so reckless!

'Why did you do it? Why was it suddenly so important to have your hand back now? Important enough to blackmail the Dark One, for God's sake, Killian-'

'Because you deserve more!' He suddenly yells.

Time stops for a moment. He doesn't say anything else, only looks back down at his feet and lets out a long, shaky breath. All I can do is stare at him. I cannot believe the words that just left his mouth. Eventually I remember how to speak again.

'Killian... Please tell me you didn't actually do it because of me?' I whisper.

It takes a moment for him to find his words too, and he takes a deep breath before answering my question.

'I wanted to be... More. I wanted to be whole. I wanted to be able to hold you. To be able to hold your hand and open the door for you at the same time... Something everyone else would be able to do! And Gods, Emma, I never wanted to hurt you. I know I didn't mean to, but I shouldn't even be able to!' He explains, his voice more vulnerable than I have ever heard it before. I feel tears gathering in my eyes.

'And as hard as I've tried to be a better man... As hard as I've tried to shake the villain I used to be... I still don't deserve you, Emma.' He whispers and that's when my tears start to fall. I take a few steps forward, closing the space between us and he stiffens.

'Killian. Look at me.' I say, my voice shaking as well. He reluctantly lifts his head so that our eyes can meet.

'You can't seriously think that you're not good enough?' I whisper.

'Just look at you, Emma, you're-'

'No.' I cut him off. It's my turn to talk now. 'Don't you say that. I'm not any better than you.'

He sighs. 'I'm a pirate, love.'

'You WERE a pirate. And I WAS a thief. Neither of us is perfect, but God Killian, no one is. You don't judge me based on my past. Why would I do that to you?' I try to reason with him.

'It's not just about my past, Swan.' He says, his eyes once again lowering to rest on his hook.

I sigh and reach my hand to grab it. His expression is shocked, like he's surprised that I would go anywhere near it. He tries to pull it away from me, but I won't let him. I grip his hook tight and hold it against my chest.

'I don't give a damn about the hook, Killian! Do you really think I care about whether you have one hand or two? Cause I don't. My whole life I've seen myself as broken, for so many reasons. I never let anyone close enough to see it though, I just ran when things got too serious. You've done nothing but accepted me, Killian. Even with all my damage. Your hook is a part of you. Therefore I like it. I don't want you to give it up for me.'

Killian looks at me with a pained expression.

'It doesn't erase the fact that I hurt you.' He whispers.

'God, Killian, you didn't hurt me! You didn't do anything! I did!' I groan, really wanting to get my message across.

'But it's because of my-'

'No.' I say, moving my left hand, the one not holding his hooked hand, to rest on his cheek.

'Listen to me. I know you think this is your fault, but it's not. You would never hurt me.' I whisper, caressing his cheek, trying to show him some comfort. 'And seriously, Killian, it's a scratch. I once hit you in the face. With a compass. And you passed out. If someone needs to apologize for hurting the other, it's me.' He lets out a teary laugh. I laugh too.

'If you really think I'm about to let you walk out because of this, you don't know me very well. You promised you wouldn't go anywhere, so you won't. Even if it means I have to tie you up again. Okay?'

'Aye.' He smiles and whispers while reaching to touch the side of my face with his right hand. I lean forward and stand on my toes to kiss him. He kisses me back and I can't help but smile into the kiss. Too soon he starts to pull away, but I move the hand on his cheek behind his neck to keep his lips on mine for a moment longer, my right hand still holding his hook close to my heart.

When I finally let the kiss end, he rests his forehead against mine. I keep my eyes closed until he starts talking.

'Just so you know, I will do my best to be a better man for you, Swan.' He whispers. I sigh. He still doesn't get it.

'You don't need to change anything, Killian. You're a good man. And I'm lucky to have you.'

He snorts and kisses my cheek. I move my left had to slap his chest.

'I mean it, idiot. And I swear if you freak out like this over a scratch on me again... I mean, I've slayed a dragon, did you know that?'

This time he actually bursts out laughing.

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 **So, there ya go! Please leave a review to let me know what you think? -S**


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